Prescriptive rules of etiquette — even those starchy, hoity-toity, three-sorts-of-dinner-fork type rules — didn’t just crop up randomly. Smart people like Judith Martin, Amy Vanderbilt, and Emily Post paid close attention to both successful dinner guests and unpopular ones and thought about how the differences in their social tics affected the flow of a conversation or the atmosphere in a room. They listed these behaviors in notebooks, found the patterns, and then got their findings published. Good and bad manners existed well before Emily Post — all she did was jot them down.
Compare social etiquette with that other starchy aristocratic ritual, the Ballroom Waltz. To an outsider peering through the tall windows of an aristocratic manor, the precise steps of the waltzing dancers might look rigid and arbitrary and unnatural. But to an insider, to someone who already knows the rules, the Waltz holds almost unlimited possibilities for style, improvisation, and unbridled grace. They know that its rules create the framework for strangers and friends alike to express themselves without confusion, without offending, without tripping up. It’s the strictness of the rules that elevates their dance hall and protects it from devolving into a mosh pit.
Below we’ve provided an infographic that’ll teach you the rules of formal table etiquette so that during your next dinner party you’ll entertain your guests with as much grace as the stride (1-2-3, 4-5-6) of a seasoned ballroom dancer.